I thought some pest humour would afford some New Year cheer to everyone who is back in the office today or on the road carrying out the first pest inspection visits of the year. The weather out there is utterly miserable so if you are on the road please drive safely. The lashing wind and rain may be grim but hopefully these jokes will have you howling with laughter (or cringing with despair). And okay, I admit, Christmas crackers provided some of the inspiration, so think hard, did you hear the one about the pregnant bed bug?
My Favourite Pest Jokes
Q: How many cockroaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Can’t tell, when the light goes on, they scatter.
Q. Did you hear about the pregnant bed bug?
She gave birth in the spring.
Q. What do you call a nervous beetle?
A. A jitter bug.
Q. How many rats does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to remove the old one, the other to pee all over the replacement bulb so that it trips the electrical circuit.
A. None, they prefer to be in the dark.
A. All of them. One to take the bulb out and the others to fight over who gets to stash it.
A. Why change it? The rats have already gnawed through all the house wiring, which is why the bulb wasn’t working in the first place.
How to tell the sex of a fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked.
“Hunting Flies” he responded.
“Oh! Killing any?” she asked.
“Yep, three males, two females,’ he replied.
Intrigued, she asked.”‘How can you tell them apart?”
He responded, three were on a beer can, two were on the phone.
Q. What squeaks as it solves crimes ?
A. Miami mice!
Termite’s the night!
Rat Property Laws
1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If I’ve peed on it, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If you’ve got something larger, it’s mine.
6. If I’m chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it’s in my reach, it’s mine.
8. If I saw it first, it’s mine.
9. If you have something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If tastes so bad not even a rat can eat it, then it’s yours.
Q. What do you call a 100 year old ant?
Q. What is the biggest ant in the world?